My Teacher Wife: A Husband’s Perspective

Today, my sweet and supportive husband is taking over my blog to tell you what it’s like having a teacher wife. It’s the behind the scenes look that most people never get to see, or hear about. He has had the unique perspective of experiencing my teaching life while he was in school and lived hours away. Then once we married he had his eyes opened to the reality of what it is like living with a teacher.

My Teacher Wife…the Reality

Be a teacher they say…it’s a great four-year degree. You start your career in your early 20’s after college graduation, put in 25-30 years in the classroom and draw full state retirement around the age of 50. You get all weekends off, snow and slick roads will give you time off,  you won’t ever work on a holiday and you’re always off in the summer. Sounds great right? Why wouldn’t everyone want to sign up for this job?

Well, let me tell you the reality. My name is James House. Jackie and I have been married for over nine years now. I have absolutely no teaching background.  I couldn’t teach a beaver to build his own dam. I was a biology major at the University of Kentucky from 2002-2006, and then I attended pharmacy school at Samford University in Birmingham, Alabama from 2006-2010.

Where it all Began

Jackie and I met in late 2004. She has been with me through all of my ups and downs in college and I have been there to support her as well. We had a long-distance relationship for four years while I attended pharmacy school out of state. She was teaching elementary school in Kentucky while I was 450 miles away in Alabama. Kids today just won’t understand the struggle…we had to wait until our free nights and weekends kicked in most of the time so we could talk on our cell phones. Remember when you actually had to conserve minutes? Phones were for talking, not texting or surfing the internet. Jackie and I saw each other 3-4 times a semester while I was in Alabama.

I proposed and she accepted in October 2008. We spent the next two years still 450 miles apart and married almost one month exactly after I graduated. Apparently, while I was in college Jackie was working hard. She was staying after 3 pm grading papers, writing lesson plans, chaperoning after school dances, and doing parent-teacher conferences. Who knew right?

How does my teacher wife spend her time?

Once we were married I expected my teacher wife to have loads of free time. Heck, she only works from 8 am to 3 pm right? Wrong! The kids may leave at 3 pm but the teachers don’t get to leave at that time. Their day doesn’t start when the morning bell rings either. They have to come in before the kids get there. Who knew? There are also those little things that take tons of time: after school dances, selling concessions at ballgames, parent-teacher conferences and the big one: grading papers.  The workload is never-ending.

So Many Stacks, So Little Time

I guess when I was young I just thought those things graded themselves because I remembered grading my own paper a few times during class. Many times a week if not every night my teacher wife is bringing home stacks of papers to grade. Her “restful” Labor Day Weekend just a few weeks ago was spent grading about a 4-inch thick stack of classroom work. All while receiving $0 to grade those papers outside of school hours. 

This is something that is difficult for me as a husband. It seems like if you are not on the clock getting paid then you shouldn’t be doing it. That is not the reality for a teacher. See, I live over here in my own little world of science, pharmacology, and pharmacokinetics. I like black and white answers, I don’t live in the gray area. I go to work and clock in and when I leave I clock out. I don’t have any work outside of my job. When I walk out of my workplace I don’t have homework to do or papers to grade.  That is not the life of a teacher wife. Teaching is a 7 day a week job.

Cell Phones are Nothing but Trouble

Now with today’s technology when little Johnny brings home an F on his report card you can use the great internet messaging systems as an upset parent to blast your teacher instantly. Forget about being polite and waiting until Monday to call your child’s teacher during her planning period…no. People want to blame the teacher because, in reality, Johnny, Bobby or Sue has an F because they missed 24 days this 9 weeks and did not turn in any assignments. But believe me, it’s the teacher’s fault.

As a husband, this instant technology is more hurtful than helpful. It could be a great fun Friday night with family but her cell phone dings with a new message from a parent and it’s usually instant aggravation. Husbands of teachers know what I’m talking about if your school has this type of system. It’s never a message to tell you how great of a job you’re doing as a teacher. For all of this informal conferencing, the pay is once again $0.

Show Me the Money…NOT!

That brings me to another subject: the pay. Unless you are married to, engaged to, or have a close family member that is a teacher, the general view of the public goes something like this. One person will say that the teachers don’t make enough money.  Another person will tell them that it’s because they get the summer and every holiday off, and retire at an early age with great benefits. That will be the end of the conversation. I am here to tell you that teachers are grossly underpaid, and long term benefits (i.e. retirement) at least here in KY are lacking. 

Currently, in our state, we are facing a state public employee pension crisis. This becomes more important to Jackie and me with every passing year as we inch closer to retirement. So now one of the marquee benefits that the public and teachers alike always talk about may not even be there for all of the educators and public employees that have paid into it for 20-30 years. As a result of the pension crisis, the state of KY started the 2019-2020 school year with 5,000 vacant teaching positions.

Why Would Anyone Want to Be a Teacher?

 Teachers are very important. They are educating our youth, the future doctors, lawyers, and Presidents of our country.  Even after 9 years of marriage, there are still surprises and head-scratching moments that make me wonder why anyone would want to be a teacher. Teachers are an integral part of this country and should be highly valued. In the end, they don’t do it for the pay, the summers off or any recognition: they do it because they love it. 

Well done! Thank you so much, James, for sharing a husbands perspective. I would have to say that James has painted a very accurate picture of teacher life. It is so hard to manage ALL THE THINGS! I’m trying to get better at reducing the time I spend grading papers by using more Google Classroom assignments and Multiple Choice Quick checks. If your interested in reducing your workload too click here or the picture below to learn how I’m trying to balance being a teacher wife and mother.